So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
