So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
