i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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