Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
