god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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