i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
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