I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
