Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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