why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
