that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
