I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
