i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
