i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
