Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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