I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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