U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
