Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
