I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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