This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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