Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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