He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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