I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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