I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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