My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
