If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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