Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
