We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
