I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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