Dual....:-)
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
