For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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