I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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