btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
