Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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