why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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