it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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