god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
