I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
