so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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