I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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