So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
