i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
