Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
