I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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