Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
