Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
