If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
