i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Less talking, more tequila
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
