I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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