he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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