I am in a vortex of obligation.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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