went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
