I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
