After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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