After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
