I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
ttyl tear gas
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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