My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
