You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
