he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
