the condom got lost in my hair
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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