i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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