There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is Oprah even human
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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