So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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