there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
