I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
