you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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