who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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