Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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