is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
