Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
