You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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